I’ve been thinking about this for literally months. How do people perceive “Self-Love” and “Me-Time”? I keep going back to the love that I have for myself, and where I’ve come from and what that really means. A couple of years ago, I had heard people talking about self-love, etc… and I’ll be honest: my interpretation was that they looked in the mirror and made themselves fall in love with their physical body and accept any imperfections. When people talked about ‘Me-Time’ I associated it with planning girl’s nights out, painting their toenails, and indulgent therapeutic shopping. I find myself getting frustrated with the fact that I preach the self-love message, but people don’t get it - well obviously. Did I get it before I got it? Nope… so my goal here is to explain myself in a completely transparent way. What do I mean by loving myself into being a new person? What do I mean by necessary intentional ‘Me-Time? When I explain that I’m in love with being me, or that it’s so important to take time for yourself it’s not about loving my physical self or doing anything for my physical body. It’s almost the exact opposite, and I feel like so often people assume that if they’re going to ‘take me time’ it needs to be in the form of a work out or doing something to enhance who they already are. Or worse yet, people assume they need to ‘work on themselves’ which makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. The message I have received loud and clear is the opposite of all of that. If we could stop working ON ourselves and learn to go with IN ourselves it becomes not only easy, but effortless to accept who it is we are in each moment. Then we get the chance to really get to explore WHO it is we truly are. It allows you to see literally every single thing from a new perspective.
I love myself more today than I did a year ago, more than I did 6 months ago, more than I did even 3 months ago. I love that I’m now feeling as fantastic on the outside as I am on the inside and filled with zest and vigor, but it has absolutely nothing to do with my physical body. Nothing at all. I mean, I’ve gone through lots of different stages and ways to look: young me, pregnant me, postpartum me, fit me, flabby me, cancer me, healthy me… those are all great. I love them all equally in different ways, but this whole thing isn’t about the challenge of loving my physical person. I’m talking about something completely separate than your physical body. I'm talking about loving somebody who is there with or without that physical body, and getting to know THAT being. And knowing and understanding that whether I’m here today or tomorrow or if I die next week, the essence of WHO I am is who I love. I mean, yes, it would be sad for my children and family if I just keeled over and died, but I don’t need to be here to BE here. And it’s not about loving your physical-ness. It’s about loving your one-ness and seeing that we are all a facet of the same being.
I was having a conversation with my best friend. At one point I would have considered us both workout queens, but in recent times we have both been physically restrained in this arena. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t put in the gym time. (Pre-kids, obviously.) How do you get rid of your stress? I work out. How do you feel good about your body? I work out. How do you study for exams? I work out. How do you get a break from your kids? I work out. Everything was based around that. It was a great release, and always made me feel like I was in control. It’s a known fact that working out is healthy and always provides better physiologic effects on the body as compared to not exercising… until it doesn’t.
I will be very honest, I desperately miss me a REAL workout. I haven’t done a real fulfilling workout in over 2 years because… pregnancy, then postpartum, then cancer, then healing. This is my current work out: Walk. Walk. Maybe try a few squats. Walk some more. Feel ready to bump it up a bit, then realize my physical body was NOT having it. I was not in a place to bump anything up or I’d be laying in bed for days. I was starting to get pissed, because ‘a strong, fit woman who loves to work out’ used to be so much a part of who I identified with, and all the sudden it was just gone. Just like that it was no longer a part of who I was allowed to be, and I was mad that it had been so long since I’d done what I wanted to do, what I loved to do. ((Sounding familiar? I always seem to come back to my toddler-tantrum-self when I realize that maybe there is a bigger lesson that my consciousness intended this toddler human learn.))
Okaaay. So it’s not about the working out either. When I talked to my best friend about the similarities between our current struggles it all fell into place a bit. In our own ways we’ve both been challenged with physical, arguably debilitating, symptoms that happen when we engage in something that we both have identified with and love to our core. Duh. What’s the best way to get someone’s attention? Take something they love, that defines them and make them change it. Take it away from them. Make them HAVE to address what you want them to look at. In different seasons of life I have gone in and out of checking in with myself. I have had seasons where I meditate daily, where I work out daily, where I quit drinking coffee, where I drink all the coffee, where I am too busy for important things, or make massive amounts of time for myself. What does all of this mean? I believe that time devoted to knowing the inner you, the higher you, the YOU that wants to be expressed and KNOWN here in this existence is essential. Every. Single. Day. Not just when you want to, make time to, remember to… it’s one of those things that doesn’t just turn your day around - it creates your day. So I said to my best friend, when was the last time you took time for you? And she told me all about how she’d finally been making time to get back to her work outs. But I thought - No, when was the last time you MET you? Because when I asked myself this very question - I had to be honest and say it’s been a long damn time since I made a point of doing this. I figured it couldn’t be coincidence that me and my best friend were experiencing this at the same time. The universe reminds me that we are never alone! ;) I asked her to consider that maybe our higher-selves, our awareness, our ALL that is, is trying to be like “HEY, you have been focusing so much: on symptoms, on the way you feel, on gaining control, on making time for your physical body, but what about Me? The only time you get to yourself your mind is still zooming, you’re scrolling, you’re pumping iron and THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. I want you. I want time with you I want YOU-Time, just like you keep asking for ME-time.” When you hear it like that, it seems that the work out in the gym is not at all what your higher self is asking for.
(*NOT that working out is bad for you. Or that people can’t achieve clarity, receive messages, experience transcendence while working out - I think they can!! But in my position, I was getting frustrated that my physical body felt like it was failing me. Like what I had WANTED to do wasn’t what my inner Me was allowing me to do.*) It felt to me like the type of ‘me-time’ I was requesting was a mode of distraction, which I believe is true for most people. I was focusing on how to shape and change the physical me, while my essence was like, “HOLD UP. You know who you are is more than your physical self. So why is it that the only alone time you get is designated to working on changing the physical vessel you reside in?” Maybe our higher selves are trying to flag us down by catching our attention with the thing that means so much to us - It’s all “Quit focusing on your body and your work out. Quit tricking yourself into thinking you’re pushing yourself towards health and wellness by pushing your body to an extreme. I’m going to give you some challenges that are really an opportunity for you to stop worrying about your physical body at the moment. I’m going to give you some weird ass symptoms that make you think you’re going to die. I’m going to allow in your awareness cancer, because you clearly have missed the boat on a few things. Maybe for somebody else, I’m going to give you raging knee pain or low back pain that says you thought you were going to work your physical self to the core. You thought you were going to take that physical being and punish it for the food that you ate. You thought you were going to be who you are because of your fitness. But I’m ready for you to listen to me.” Your higher self is now and forever will be communicating with you, but it is your choice to stop and listen. When I say ‘listen to your body’ it doesn’t necessarily mean ‘modify your work out so you can achieve it without feeling like you’re dying.’ When you have heartburn or nausea and people say ‘listen to your body’ it doesn’t mean google which supplement you need to take or look for a holistic remedy…. It means use the messages your body is sending you to check in with your higher self. Spend a little time with the YOU that matters. Spend some time in solitude and silence and ask in what way you can get to know I AM more. ((That means alone, all by yourself, in silence.)) Devote time every day to the ME that is exploring this universe. It’s the ME that’s looking at the bigger picture and contains insight that’s always been there, but the lost you has been too busy rushing through life, to see the answers. Stop. Your YOU time is not meant to be stuck in the physical world. Your you time is meant to be finding your soul, filling your spirit, meeting the divine that is within you, loving them, and then experiencing and sharing THAT you with the physical world we live in. Your energy is completely unending. Your energy always has been and always will BE. So take the moment you’re here in this physical body to explore what you can do with that energy. Explore what your energy came here to do. ‘Cause I promise you it is not here to get the work out in, get it all done, do the to do list, check the boxes, get through dinner, and pray you make it to bedtime so you can get up and do it all over again. That’s not why the physical you is here.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with a great ass-kicking work out, but I believe it should be two completely different bullet points on your To Do List. Me Time and Gym Time should fall under significant and separately identifiable services in order to get the most bang for your buck in the gym and in life. Let me explain. I know working out can be great for your physical body, but let’s get this straight: You don’t need to put in massive amounts of gym time to have an amazing ass. You can visualize that. I’ve done it. You can actually achieve having amazing 6-pack abs without a single ‘ab-exercise’ whatsoever, gasp! I know, sounds crazy, but I have seen it with my own eyes. Visualization. Loving what is. Understanding and knowing that everything you aspire to be already is, what you believe to be true is already there, so it’s not necessarily about what you do TO your physical form. It’s about what the bigger you wants you to fricken understand. So imagine what could be achieved at the gym if first you’ve taken time to become clear on who you are and the divine purpose of your being. Imagine the incredible results you could attain if first you spend some serious time quietly drawing up the exact vision of what you intend to see after that work out? In the same token, imagine what every bite of food you take is doing to your body. If you’re feeling guilty about eating decadent cakes and thinking it will just pack on the pounds… guess what it’s going to do. Let’s look at how the way we think affects what we see.
I say this because I have been seriously limited in my physical abilities to achieve a work-out I would call difficult let alone fulfilling. I went from a once-physically fit person, who used to get a high from challenging myself with a full body sweat, to feeling trashed if I did anything more than walking for 10-15 minutes. Forget lifting anything other than my kids… and only the two little ones. If I lifted the 5 year old I’d end up on the couch in massive pain. I was actually scared of my 3 and 5 pound dumbbells because of the backlash they’d given me in the past. Rather than letting it depress me, giving up work outs all together, or succumbing to the extra 10 pounds that have been hanging out... I went back to my intention. I went back to meditating, connecting, every. single. day. I started seeing colors more vibrantly, enjoying my life more fully, embracing my children with more patience. I was excited to engage whole heartedly in my marriage, like we were first dating again. People started telling me I was glowing and that "I looked happy, and it looked good on me". I began walking around as the truest fullest version of me who was ready in anticipation every moment of every day - excited for what was to come next. And you know what I did for the first time in over 2 years? I ran. I moved my body so fast and so fluidly it felt like I was running on clouds. It was exhilarating. I breathed the deepest breaths while running and with every step I embraced my limitless being. I did this with no repercussion - no pain afterwards, no days spent in bed. The only thing I had after that experience was intense gratitude for the being I am and the physical form it chose to partake in. Now, that I see there was never a physical challenge to overcome, the movement stuff is just for fun. It’s like, what can I do next!? But first. I acknowledged the Who that I am and Its reason for being.
My husband asked me what I meant by self-care and self-love. I told him it’s not at all about working on oneself. There is nothing to ‘work on’ when self-reflecting. To meet oneself for who you truly are, and begin expressing life from the perspective of the divine truth within you - that’s what loving yourself is. Yes, it takes time, and it does take intentional effort, but it is not working ON yourself. It’s accepting yourself, and agreeing to see the grandest version of yourself possible. I told him it’s taking time to come to a bigger awareness, a bigger understanding, a bigger moment than you experienced as the person you were before you sat down. I said it’s more than taking care of the physical self. It’s taking care of yourself on the soul level so that your physical being can experience this world the way it was meant to: 10-fold on the experiential factor with things being more expressive, more abundant, more vibrant. If we’d all just take a hot minute to stop running around and trying to get stuff done we might be able to figure out who we are and what we long to do. I explained to him that caring for ones (inner)self might look different to different people, but there are a couple of elements that are essential - TIME alone, and in seclusion. I usually do this in the form of meditation. You can call it what you want, but sitting in stillness and experiencing the present moment is the goal. You can’t get to know You if you’ve got friends yapping about drama, kids climbing on you, work on your desk top, or social media anywhere in sight. Explore being by yourself. The more uncomfortable you are with it, the more likely you need it.
The second part is finding something that lights your soul on fire. Finding something that maybe you had no idea would give you this zippy amount of pizazz and energy. Find something where you can experience the FLOW. The flow of the universe, the divine nature of all that is - find something where you feel the electricity run through you and you know there is a connection because you FEEL it. It is quite literally the most amazing human experience my spirit has had because it allows me to see this world as it was meant to be seen. It allows me to be in the middle of experiences I could have otherwise had, and see beauty and laughter and cherish these moments instead of being in the middle of 14 different thoughts and trying to hold it all together. It allows me to charge my batteries in a way that when I am finished, I have more energy, not less. It fills my soul and makes me want to SHARE what I’ve got, and share more of myself. It does not deplete me, it gives me life. If this is how working-out makes you feel, then *great*! You have found one thing that lights your soul on fire… but I encourage you to meet yourself first, and secondly find a few more things that also give you this pizazz. What are some of these things for me: Walking and talking to myself. Writing. Dancing. Listening to music. Singing like I am Mariah Carey. Laughing my ass off. Using my imagination. Embracing nature. Sitting under the gazebo with the twinkle lights on and my journal in hand. Long baths listening to the clock tick. Smelling fresh air! Listening to a good soul-filled pod cast, or listening to the beauty in nothing at all. Discovering the magic of little bookshops with used books. Finding new shimmering lights and colors in places I would not have expected. 3 words: Dirty. Chai. Latte. There is just something about holding a little cuppa something hot and amazing that warms my soul from the inside out!
Have you taken the time to discover the WHO you came here to be? Have you intentionally asked yourself, who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose and how am I experiencing this lifetime? For me, life changed when I took time to understand what my higher self was asking for. Meeting myself where I needed to be. Accepting the beauty in where I was at. And then moving forward in such an amazing way I didn’t even know it was possible.
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